Sorry, James
by HyperActiveOwl
Summary: A one-shot that was meant to be the first chapter of According to Lily. Now it's just there. It's very close to the 1st chapter of AtL, but with moderations.


Normal disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling. I'm not making money from this. It's just a sick, twisted girl writing. Though the writing isn't sick and twisted. . aw, I'll shut up before this becomes a tangent. Rated PG  
  
According to Lily  
  
Evening of the Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. Exam, MWWP Time  
  
Lily was walking. Walking was what she did when things got her fired up and, boy, was she fired up now. Just who did James Potter think he was? Making fun of whomever he saw first, screwing up his hair because he thought it looked cool. 'I bet anything it's a charm that made his hair that way.' And it wasn't as if his friends were much better. Sirius was almost as much of a jerk as James. Remus, at least, didn't make fun of anyone but he certainly didn't stop it. Lily took a sharp turn down another hallway. By now, she had no clue where she was. An alert vaguely registered in the back of her mind, but she ignored it. She just wanted to be angry. Anger was strangely relieving.  
  
"Oh, well I suppose they all think it's funny. Just hilarious to make fun of a kid who has no friends." Lily tended to talk to herself when she was angry. "They probably also think it's funny when James asks me out as he's torturing an innocent person! Oh yeah, that'll turn a girl on." Not watching where she was going, she turned another corner and collided with Remus Lupin. She landed on her rear and blushed. Her books had fell from her bag and scattered throughout the hallway.  
  
"Oh. . . Lily, I'm sorry. You ok? Need help?" He offered a hand to help her up.  
  
Lily felt the anger flash, but resisted. "Yes, I'm fine. No, I don't need help. Thanks though." She stood and brushed off the front of her robes.  
  
Remus' eyes were confused, but he just shrugged. "Er. . . Ok then. Bye." He waved and continued walking.  
  
'Ok, so Remus is nice. That doesn't make up for the rest of them. And Remus still should've tried to stop James. But . . . maybe James would have made fun of him then. For ruining the fun.' Lily decided that was the reason and walked outside to the lake. She tore off her shoes and socks. "Wonder if the water's warm." Lily crept closer and dipped in one foot. She grinned widely. "Just right."  
  
There was a loud noise, a barking laugh just like Sirius and some cries of protest. Lily turned to see Sirius pushing James forward, towards Lily. "Great. Just who I want to see now," muttered Lily.  
  
James stumbled his way to Lily, and almost touched his hair, but stopped himself. 'It's nice to know he's stopped that. Or is trying to,' she thought.  
  
"Hi, James." Lily tried not to sound mean, but she wasn't exactly friendly either.  
  
"Hi, Lily." James' cheeks flushed a little and his eyes darted all over behind his glasses. He seemed to be trying to think of something to say, but was obviously not coming up with it because he kept opening and closing his mouth.  
  
'Like a fish, that one is,' Lily thought. Embarrass  
  
"Er . . . was there something you wanted?" Lily chewed the inside of her cheek, feeling increasingly nervous. 'Just go, James, just go if you're just going to gape at me all afternoon.'  
  
"Well, I uh, just wanted to say I'm sorry." James looked thoroughly embarrassed and kept looking over his shoulder, where Sirius was laughing. James glared and turned back to Lily.  
  
"For what?" Lily demanded. "Sorry for making fun of Severus or for asking me out while you were doing it?"  
  
"Both," James said, letting out a small sigh.  
  
Lily nodded and said, "I accept your apology - but only the one about asking me out. You'll have to say you're sorry to Severus for the other one. And I doubt he'll forgive you readily or anything." She looked James squarely in the eye.  
  
James sighed with relief and smiled cockily. "So, does that mean you'll consider my offer to go out?" he asked, trying to sound confident. "To Hogsmeade, maybe?" James' voice cracked, and he reached out to rumple his hair. This time, however, he didn't stop himself. Sirius guffawed loudly, but Remus elbowed him and continued watching.  
  
Lily held back an enormous sigh. 'Not again, bloody not again. Why does he do this twice in the same day? Isn't one rejection enough for the boy?'  
  
"No. I'm sorry James, but I told you. I'd rather date the squid."  
  
As if on cue, the squid held a tentacle up above the water and fixed itself on James arm. It remained there for a moment, and then released itself with a loud pop.  
  
"Damnit," James groaned. He rubbed his arm grinned. "Well, the squid sure is lucky then."  
  
Sirius was laughing even louder now. James held his wand behind his back and muttered a curse. Sirius yelped and began jumping all over the grass, as if an invisible, tiny fairy was poking his feet with pins. James looked satisfied and turned his attention back to Lily.  
  
"Look, Lil, I really like you and . . . and, you know any Gryffindor girl- no, make than any girl would love to have me. So. . Will you consider?"  
  
Lily felt the anger swell in her, from the pit of her stomach, up her throat, and waiting behind to lips to leap out. She closed her eyes and swallowed back the anger, all the while wondering what to say if it wouldn't be rude. She finally opened her eyes and saw James leaning against the tree, looking self-confident at first glance. But Lily looked harder and saw the fear, the nervousness in his eyes. 'It would be so much easier if he was just a rude guy, not someone who actually cared.' She swallowed again and plunged into her spiel.  
  
"James, I've told you a million times! One million and one just a second ago. I don't like you like that! Sometimes I can't stand you even as a friend! I don't want to go out with you because I don't like you. It would be mean to you. If I ever come to like you, it'll be in a long while. After you've deflated your big head, and swallowed your pride, and been kind to others. You know, like you were. Before fourth year."  
  
Lily stopped short and realized James had been quiet the whole time. 'Wow. Wonder why?' She took a deep breath and whispered, almost to herself rather than James, "I'm sorry."  
  
James, who'd been staring pointedly at the ground, looked up. His face looked red, and he seemed pained.  
  
"You're right, Lily. I. . . I just have to get it together."  
  
He reached out to squeeze Lily's hand, but she sharply drew it back. Embarrassed, Lily looked down at her bare feet. Crestfallen, James nodded silently and began the walk back to Sirius and Remus. Lily stared for minute, and suddenly felt a throb of pain in her chest. She turned to the lake and stared at her reflection in the water.  
  
It was shimmering and moving, always in a different place. Always changing, it never stayed together. It was, coincidentally, how Lily felt.  
  
"I'm sorry James."  
  
A/N - THERE IS NO SEQUEL TO THIS! This was meant to start off "According to Lily," but it's not going to. Soon enough the REAL According to Lily will be up, and that's what I'll update. Thanks for the nice reviews so far. ( 


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